While people would love to have a healthy relationship with their parents, not everyone gets to enjoy that feeling. For many, family life can be a struggle. It isn’t uncommon for people to deal with a toxic mother.
It is also common for people to believe that their mom hates them. The feeling of having a strained relationship with your mother can seriously impact not only a child’s life but their future relationships.
On this page, we are going to discuss a few of the reasons why you may believe that your mom hates you. We also want to give you a few solutions for dealing with the problem. This information is mainly geared towards adult children who believe they have a toxic mom.
Your Mother May Not Actually Hate You
Right off the bat, we want to point out that it is rare that a mother hates her children. Exceedingly rare.
In some cases, recognition of mother hate is more of a misinterpretation of the situation. You have to remember that hatred is deep-rooted. It is an awful feeling. If you are only sensing coldness or anger from your mother every so often, then chances are that your mother doesn’t hate you.
In this section, we want to start slightly more positively. We want to help you to consider things that may not necessarily indicate that the relationship with your mom is built upon hatred. Sometimes, there are just bad feelings.
We want to start by mentioning that low self-esteem may play a role here.
Many people who believe their mother’s feelings are on the negative side tend to believe that a lot of others have negative feelings about them too.
If you believe several people in your life aren’t your biggest fan, this could indicate low self-esteem. You may need to talk to a mental health professional about this issue. It is a common situation, and professional advice can help here.
Not Spending Enough Quality Time With Your Mother
It is human nature to want to spend time with parents. After all, parents are who raised you. It is often with your parents that you form the closest bond.
The problem is that some parents do not do well on the whole quality time front. They may be busy. They may not know how to bond with their children.
This isn’t a case of having toxic parents, it is more than your mother doesn’t know how to bond with you on this level.
If the only issue seems to be a lack of quality time with your mother, then it is highly unlikely that she hates you.
Feelings As If Your Mom Favors Your Siblings Or Other Family Members More
This is a common issue that starts in childhood, and it is more common when one child is there, and suddenly a few siblings pop out.
When a parent has just one child, that child feels like they are the center of attention. Suddenly, that attention is now spread over multiple children.
The problem is made even worse because early on in children’s lives, they need a lot of attention from their parents. This means that a slightly older sibling may feel as if they are neglected and may start to feel as if their mother hates them.
This is common in a parent-child relationship and usually dies out a little bit later. However, some of these feelings can persist, and it may require some therapy to show that your mother loves you.
Your Mom Doesn’t Know To Show Love Properly
There is no magical guide to becoming a parent. You may receive a couple of valuable tips from people around you, but when that child appears, you are pretty much on your own.
Because of this, many parents do not know how to show love properly. It doesn’t mean that mothers hate their children. Most of the time, this isn’t the case. It just means that the mom doesn’t quite know how to show that they care about somebody.
In some cases, you may find that your mother’s love is tough to win, rather than feeling a genuine hatred. You feel that the love comes through every so often, but only in small spurts. Remember, it is rare that a mom hates her children.
Your Mom Is Just Overly Critical
Parents love their harsh criticism. For many parents, it is a way of encouraging their children to do better. Sure, they are not healthily encouraging their child, but many parents do not know better.
We want to point out that just because your mom criticizes you doesn’t mean your mother hates you. Chances are that she probably doesn’t. She just has a weird way of guiding you through life.
Your Mother May Not Have Wanted a Child
If you were a surprise or unexpected pregnancy, your mother might have had more difficulty bonding with you as a child.
If you were unplanned, your mother might have felt you put her life on hold. You may have stood in the way of her getting a dream home, or perhaps she had to give up her career for you.
We do want to point out that none of this is your fault. Even in this situation, most moms bond with their children anyway, and there are no lingering feelings. However, it is not uncommon for a mom to have a slightly deep-rooted hatred that her life changed for you.
Hormonal Changes While Pregnant
When your mom got pregnant, her body was put through the wringer. Seriously. Your mom would have been dealing with some incredibly intense hormonal changes. These hormonal changes would have had an impact on the way that your mom thinks.
If the pregnancy was particularly traumatic, and your mom’s well-being was not in the best possible place, then there is a chance that your mom could have continued to harbor a bit of hatred towards you.
Issues Related To Your Birth And You As a Baby
Much mom hate starts during birth, as sad as it may seem.
When your mom gave birth, she probably went through one of the most traumatic experiences of her life.
Giving birth is physically demanding. While something beautiful happens at the end of it, the actual giving birth process is intense pain, exhaustion, and a whole host of other feelings.
It probably isn’t all that uncommon for mother hate to have roots in a particularly traumatic birth.
There may even have been serious issues when you were a baby. For example, if you were a very serious crier or had various illnesses. All of this could potentially explain why your mom hates you. Once again, this is not your fault.
We know that this may sound extreme. However, human beings are complicated. We cling to intense feelings, especially negative ones, which can help dictate our lives. Your mother is no different.
Parental burnout during the early stages of your life may also have had an impact. Many parents fail to realize just how tough it is to raise a child.
Your Mother May Have Struggled To Bond With You
Many people seem to believe that a mom loves their child unconditionally. As soon as they give birth, a mother feels nothing but love for their child.
Now, this can be the case. In fact, in many situations, this is the case. A mother has that unconditional bond right away. However, there are situations where things don’t quite pan out like that.
Many women suffer from an inability to bond with their children. A trained therapist can generally deal with this mental health issue. However, if a mom does not seek immediate help, these issues can continue for years to come. They may harm the future relationship that a mom has with her child.
You Remind Your Mother Of Your Dad
You are the product of two people. Your mom and your dad.
If your mom has had a particularly tough relationship with your dad, for example, she had to deal with abusive situations, then she may start to see you as a representation of your father.
If she sees you as a representation of your father, this could manifest in negative emotions, particularly hate.
If your father is no longer in your life, then your mom may give you information about him. If he caused her physical or emotional pain, this could be the root of your mother’s hate. Again, this situation can quickly be dealt with informed professional advice from a therapist.
You Remind Your Mother Of Negative Situations In Her Life
Humans tie negative emotions to objects, people, and various situations.
If you have been present in your mom’s life while going through something particularly bad, then she may transfer some negative thoughts onto you.
Once again, this isn’t your fault. This is a coping mechanism, and, sadly, every human being will do the same thing. Domestic violence is a big trigger here.
You Share Different Goals or Beliefs From What Your Mother Wanted
Some parents have a grand plan for the child, with no sense of their child’s well-being.
If a child deviates from the grand plan that their parents had, then this could manifest itself in hatred.
For example, it is not uncommon for a mom to have negative feelings toward their child when the child does not follow the same religion, does not achieve excellent grades at school, or ends up getting a job that the parent is not a fan of.
Sadly, not every mom will realize that their child has to forge their path in life and how they can influence it, but never control it.
Your Mother Has Her Issues That She Takes Out On You
If your mother’s behavior towards you has suddenly changed, then this could indicate that your mother is dealing with severe issues in their life.
Since you are the closest to your mother, she may take these issues out on you. Various issues can cause this sudden hatred from your mom e.g. the end of a relationship (particularly the loss of a life partner), the loss of a job, or financial issues.
Your Mother Has Mental Health Issues
Mental illness is another big reason why your mom may show feelings of hatred towards you, mainly if it is an undiagnosed mental condition.
If you have noticed considerable changes in your mom’s behavior, and not just with the relationship with your mother, then there may be underlying mental health issues that need to be dealt with. You can seek professional medical advice to discover the best way to tackle this.
How To Know If Your Mother Hates You
It can be tough to know whether your mom hates you. As we have stated several times on this page, chances are that she probably doesn’t. It takes a lot for a mother to hate her child.
Remember, a mom-child relationship can be strained sometimes, and you may notice things that seem to be hatred, but it isn’t.
So, as you go through the following signs that your mom may hate you, we do want to know that unless your mother has constantly been telling you that she hates you, she probably doesn’t. Although, you may need to talk to a qualified mental health professional for a bit more guidance.
Your Mother Is Constantly Critical Of You
As we mentioned earlier, parents are critical of their children. It is their weird way of showing that they want the best for their child.
However, if your mom seems to be constantly criticizing you, and there never seems to be any positivity in the relationship with your mom, then this could be an issue. Even the most critical of family relationships will have a bit of praise on occasion.
You Often Feel As If You Have To Fight For Your Mother’s Love
If you are looking to develop a better relationship with your mother and your mother does not seem to be showing any interest, this could be a sign of hatred. It could indicate that your mother is trying to distance herself from you.
If you have, throughout your life, found yourself constantly fighting for your mother’s love, and you don’t seem to be getting anything back, this could indicate a little bit of hate there.
Notice how your mother treats other members of your family. If there doesn’t seem to be an issue, then it is likely an issue with your relationship.
Your Mother’s Behavior Often Comes Across As Cold
Healthy boundaries are essential in a parental relationship. A child needs to learn how to develop themselves just as much as they need their parent’s guidance.
However, if your mother seems to be coming across as cold or giving you the silent treatment every so often, this could indicate a dislike.
If you find it difficult to talk to your mother about any issues in your life, this could also indicate a problem.
Your Mother Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With You
Most parents want to spend time with their children. If you have never spent time with your mother, or the time that you have spent with her seems to be unfulfilling, then there may be an issue with your relationship.
You Get Negative Feelings Over The Thought Of Spending Time With Your Mother
You won’t always have positive things to say about your mom. If somebody tells you they have never had a negative thought towards their parents, then they are lying.
However, most of your thoughts about your mother should be positive. You should feel comfortable telling her stuff. You shouldn’t feel scared to be around here.
If you have any sort of fear of your mother, whether emotional or physical, this is likely something that developed early on in your child, primarily due to how your mother treated you.
This could also indicate that your parent hates you.
Your Mother Is Mean or Violent
No matter what somebody says, you are not mean or violent towards somebody you genuinely care about. If your mother constantly abuses you, mentally or physically, this could indicate hatred.
You Have a Toxic Relationship
All parent-child relationships will have high and low points. However, if you constantly push your mom to the edge (and she has been doing the same to you), this could be a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship can lead to hate.
What To Do If You Believe Your Mom Hates You
Once again, we do want to point out that the belief that your mother hates you is not the same as your mother hates you. However, you should never feel that your mother has any sort of resentment toward you. Therefore, you need to deal with the problem.
Talk To Your Mother
First things first, if you feel comfortable doing so, talk to your mother.
Tell your mom about your concerns and how her behavior makes you feel. Let her know how her behavior is impacting your life.
Many parents do not seem to realize they are hurting their children. They act in a way they believe is positive and give their child the best support.
If you believe that a mental health condition is causing your mom’s behavior, then suggest they talk to somebody to help improve their mental wellness. Although, this is something that is far easier said than done. Many people do not want to acknowledge that their mental health is not in the best place.
If you feel any sort of hatred from your parents, then you should talk to a therapist. They will be able to provide you with guidance.
You must talk to a therapist because they will help you to open up about your feelings. They will help you determine the negative impact those feelings have on your life. This way, if your mother hates you, you will still be in a position where you can take control of your mental health.
If your mother is up for it, you may be able to talk to a family therapist. This is where the two of you join group therapy, and you can bring your issues to the fore.
Attempt To Distance Yourself From Your Mother
If there is physical or emotional abuse, or you feel that your mom’s hate is having a massive negative impact on your life, then distance yourself from your mother.
Yes. Your mom gave birth to you. However, you are your person. You have no loyalty just because of this. You need to move on if your parents severely impact your life. It is tough, but it is for your benefit.
A mom rarely hates her child. In most cases, it may seem that a mom has hatred due to an inability to show their love or that their parental style isn’t the greatest. Deep down, there is love, though.
There are situations where hatred may genuinely exist, though. This is likely down to a traumatic experience that a parent suffered, particularly during the early years of your life. In this case, your mom may need therapy to deal with the issue.
Remember, if you believe your mom hates you, you should seek therapy for yourself. It can be a difficult feeling to deal with.
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