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Raising a teenager can be incredibly challenging. The teenage years are full of hormones and emotions, combined with the desire for independence and autonomy.
As such, it can feel like walking a tightrope; too much control or an overly strict hand may lead to rebellion, while too little structure could lead to an out-of-control teen.
Of course, every teenager will likely give you some difficulty (to some extent).
Still, if your teen is truly out of control and acting in inappropriate or dangerous ways, it’s essential to take action.
Knowing how strict you should be and how to establish boundaries without pushing your teen away can be tricky. Finding the balance between being a parent and a friend can be difficult.
If you need advice on dealing with an out-of-control teen and managing their bad behavior, we’ve laid down five practical tips for parents.
How Do I Know if My Teenager is ‘Out of Control’?
It can be difficult to distinguish whether destructive behaviors in young adults are simply because they are challenging the boundaries, rebelling, or generally testing limits – all normal teen behaviors during adolescence – or if they have crossed the line and their behavior is truly worrisome.
Here are four signs that your troubled teen might be ‘out of control’:
Displaying More Consistent or Extreme Aggression
If your teen is exhibiting aggressive behavior and talking back rudely or using physical force, this could be a sign they are out of control.
This type of aggression suggests that your child is struggling with anger management issues and may also indicate underlying psychological problems that need to be addressed.
Partaking in Regular Risky Behaviors
Troubled teens engaging in risky activities, such as substance abuse or criminal behavior, can indicate an issue with authority and a lack of control.
It might also suggest underlying mental health problems, like depression or anxiety, that need to be addressed by a mental health professional.
Engaging in Self-Harming Behavior
In extreme or severe cases of depressed teens, self-harming behaviors can signify an inability to cope and manage their emotions.
You must take any self-harm behavior seriously and seek help for your teen as soon as possible.
Poor or Declining Academic Performance
If your child is displaying negative behavior at school or their grades are declining, this might suggest that they are out of control.
This can signify that your child is overwhelmed by their responsibilities and needs support to help them stay on track.
Reasons Teenagers Might Act Out
At first, it might be difficult to understand why your teenager is partaking in out-of-control behavior, especially if this is untypical of their character.
It’s essential (as a parent) to understand that the teenage and young adult years are a time of exploration and independence. As such, it’s normal for them to push boundaries and test limits.
However, there are times and certain situations when this behavior can become concerning and an indication of mental health or underlying issues.
The Mental Health Foundation states, “20% of adolescents may experience a mental health problem in any given year”, with “50% of mental health problems are established by age 14”.
Many mental health issues, like teen depression, come about due to the hormones and emotional shifts they experience during this time.
It’s also important to consider environmental factors impacting your teen. Stressful events, such as moving schools or a poor school environment, going through a major family event, or experiencing bullying, can all contribute to mental health concerns.
The best way to pinpoint the reason for your child’s behavior is to have an open conversation with them, encourage honest communication, and listen without judgment.
Knowing how to deal with out-of-control behavior and the best way to create an action plan to support them can be challenging.
1) Establish Clear Rules & Consequences
Every parent should set rules for their troubled teenager – whether they’re strict or not is up to you and your parenting style. The key is to be consistent and enforce the rules.
However, it’s important to remember that rules without consequences are useless – put specific penalties for any rule broken into place. This might involve grounding them or withholding privileges if needed.
While you might need to tip-toe around your teen due to their emotional state, setting boundaries and implementing consequences is essential to parenting. And it might even help them to regain control of themselves.
2) Allow Teenagers to Express Their Feelings Openly
Openly discussing your intense emotions – whether you’re an adult or a child – is something that is found to be complicated. A stigma is associated with discussing mental health and expressing feelings, making it difficult for teenagers to open up about their problems.
You must give your child the opportunity to express themselves without judgment or criticism. This doesn’t mean getting them to tell you all of their deepest secrets and worries, but rather that you should be actively listening without interruption or criticism.
Encourage your teenager to talk about what’s going on for them and allow them to express their emotions freely.
3) Practice Active Listening
It is easy to listen without actively hearing. You must take the time to understand what your child is trying to tell you, and in turn, make sure that they know you are listening and truly comprehending their emotions.
Active listening means making an effort to hear beyond the words being said – pay attention to your teen’s body language and emphasize key points by repeating them back.
Show your teen that you understand their situation by acknowledging it and validating their feelings; active listening is a great way to show empathy and understanding without judgment or criticism.
As a result, most teens will see this as a sign of encouragement and will be more likely to open up about what is going on for them.
4) Show Empathy & Understanding (Even if You Don’t Fully Understand)
Showing empathy and understanding will demonstrate to your teen that you care about their feelings and want to help them work through their issues.
Acknowledge the situation’s difficulty and make sure your teenager knows you are there for them. Encourage them to talk about their emotions and provide guidance when needed, but allow them to find their solution without pushing too much.
It is important to remember that while you may not fully understand what they are going through, showing empathy will help build trust with your teen and bridge the gap between you.
5) Encourage Them to Seek Professional Help if Their Behaviour Escalates
Though you can provide the support your child needs, it is essential to remember that professional help may be needed if the behavior escalates or you cannot cope.
Behavioral problems that are becoming concerning or are affecting the functioning of your teen’s life should be addressed by a certified mental health professional.
It is important to remember that seeking help from professionals does not make you a bad parent – it shows that you care and is willing to do what it takes to get your child the help they need.
Family therapy and counseling are great ways to help teens understand and process their emotions healthily. It can also be an opportunity for the entire family to learn better ways of communicating and expressing themselves.
There are many options out there for providing help for your teenager. It is important to remember that you don’t have to do it alone, and some people can provide guidance and support.
Final Thoughts: Coping with a Teenager Out of Control
Recognizing the differences between typical teenage behavior and behavior that cause concern is essential.
It is normal to experience challenging behaviors during adolescence, but it’s essential to take note of any changes in behavior that signal an issue with mental health or well-being.
By providing your teenager with a safe space to express themselves and actively engage in conversations, you can help them cope with their emotions healthily and productively.
Remember, seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness – it shows that you are willing to take action and do what’s necessary to provide your teen with the best possible outcome.
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